A couple things happened this morning that are cool in very different ways. First, and way more importantly, this morning I hit what was my original goal weight. I have lost 165 lbs. Second, with the encouragement of Deborah, I published a pattern on Rav. Joplin (named after Janis) is a free pattern for a light weight hippy style summer scarf that I knit out of a single skein of Noro silk garden sock years ago. And never wore.
That's right, this lovely thing sat in the bottom of the handknits basket until I discovered it on Thursday and decided it looked awesome with my leather coat and skull and crossbones knitter tee. The sad truth is that it's been sitting there for years because of something I've talked about in previous posts "the handknits will get you noticed" thing. Let's just let it all hang out here, I weighed 335 pounds when I started dieting. Even at 5 10' I was a big girl. I hid. Constantly. That weight was my shield from the world. I'm still adjusting to not having that anymore. Despite the fact that I loved that scarf, I never would have worn it for fear it would get me noticed, and fuck that just pisses me off. Why would I do that to myself? I get that my wardrobe choices have expanded since I've lost weight (that pisses me off too) and that I spent years in men's black t-shirts from Walmart because that was all I could fit in/afford. But Joplin was made by me and I certainly could have worn it at any size, and frankly I'm embarrassed that I didn't. Please don't ever let society or anyone tell you at any size that you aren't good enough, or pretty enough, or should be ashamed of the way you look. Be proud, and get noticed. Janis would approve :D